Mondays... It's funny how Mondays always feel tough. It usually starts Sunday afternoon or evening for me. I start thinking about the week ahead, how the kids wont want to go to school in the morning, what's on the list of To Do's and i'm already ready for Friday before the week has even begun!
As I reflect on my Happiness Project (remember my focus for January was "self") one of the things I have discovered about myself is i'm always looking ahead instead of focusing on what's in front of me. I worry about the "what could happens" that will never ever happen, I worry about what is or isn't to come in the week or month ahead, I worry about meal planning, I worry about how i'll keep the kids busy and active through this pandemic... I mean that list could go on forever! Here's what happens when you think and look too far ahead; you stress yourself out unnecessarily, become overwhelmed and you miss the good and the joy right in front of you. They actually have a term for this...it's called "Monkey Mind". Not kidding.
So my focus moving forward is to improve my ability to bring myself back to the here and now and stop looking too far ahead, or control the "Monkey Mind". Holy cow this is so much harder than it sounds! When I first discovered that I needed to work on this I thought, "well this should be easy, just change the way you think!" Ha!! I think this is especially hard during the pandemic because we are all forced to look ahead when trying to predict when things will go back to normal. This then creates the "what ifs" which can quickly snowball into every single "what if" that has ever lived in your brain. Before you even realize what has happened, your heart is pumping a tad faster than normal.
Damn it.
Everything I have ever found in my research consistently shows that there are several things you can do to bring yourself back to the here and now. I will share those things with you but here's what I will tell you the research says... this is not an overnight thing. It takes a lot of practice very consistently to get to a point that you can control that dang "Monkey Mind".
Ok, let's get to the list!
Savoring. Intentionally savor the things you are experiencing; this could include the way the sunshine feels on your skin, how good every sip of that latte is that you're sipping, the sound of the birds during your daily walk, or how amazing that hot shower feels. Simply slow down, take a look around you and really pay attention to what you're seeing and experiencing. Almost try to experience everything as though you are experiencing it for the first time.
Breathe. We've all heard about meditation and focusing on the breath. When I first started this I wondered how the hell someone sits totally still and quiet for 15 minutes... 15 whole minutes you guys! So I decided to get an app to help me with this practice. I have tried Calm and Headspace and I prefer Headspace for sure. I prefer Headspace simply because of the approach and voice of the instructor - it's not preachy at all, just very matter of fact. I started with 5 minutes and i'm working my way up in duration. It's cool, they have specific goals you can set for yourself and they also have specific subjects if there is something in particular you'd like to work on. It's guided so it will help you stay focused throughout your meditation, which is key for me as a beginner.
Gratitude. Did you know that our brains are wired to look for and remember the bad? Seriously! It is a way for our brains to protect us, we need to remember and hang on to the bad stuff to ensure we don't head for trouble in the future. It's called "Negativity Bias". The practice of gratitude is a way to train your brain to slow down and look for the good instead of looking far out and for the bad. The practice of gratitude is simply the practice of finding the things in your day to day that you are grateful for. Some people like to do this in the mornings to set the tone for the day and some like to do this in the evening to close out their day. Some people journal or write down what they're grateful for and some simply mentally note. I have found that writing helps me focus better... dang Monkey Mind! Ultimately it doesn't matter when or how you do it, it's doing it daily that matters and begins to change the habit of negativity bias. For those of you who prefer to write, but would like a guided option, "The Five Minute Journal" is a great option. You can find it on Amazon.
Physical Activity. This is a great way to get yourself to focus on the here and now. It doesn't matter whether you're doing 15 minutes, 30 minutes or an hour and it doesn't need to be any specific intensity. It just matters that you do it consistently. This helps quiet the mind by getting some of that energy out and it forces you to focus on what you're doing right then and there.. it clears your mind. It also increases those mood boosting chemicals in the brain which is a win win! I personally love running, but I find that I think a lot during my runs and typically go through the process of working out challenges that need to be solved. I love yoga to get me into focusing on the here and now. I think this is because if I think about anything other than the current movement i'm on there is a good chance i'll fall. Funny, but serious...
Let Go. This is the hardest one for me. When you feel the worry about the future begin to creep in simply remind yourself that you can only control today, take a deep breath and release the worry. If it were only that easy! I have found myself noting when I start to get too far into the future with my thoughts, stop myself and tell myself to chill out and go to breathing. A good deep breath to fill those lungs seems to really bring you back to right now and slow the mind down. And when all else fails simply sing, "let it go... let it goooooo...". I'm sort of kidding. I have actually done this before when i'm deep in unnecessary thought... makes me laugh and snaps me right out of it!
So these are a couple of strategies you can try to get you a little more in the here and now. And remember... all of these take practice and time so don't get discouraged. Stick with them, do them consistently and try to enjoy the good that's right in front of you. You don't want to miss it!
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